Mary is a sign language interpreter and translator. She loves her job, as she should, and is very attached to her clients—again, as she should be. The world of deaf people is completely unknown to me, which makes sense because I don’t know anyone with this kind of “disability” or any other kind for that matter.

Disability is broadly defined as a physical, mental, sensory, or developmental condition that significantly limits a person’s ability to perform everyday activities or engage in social, educational, or occupational settings like those without such conditions. These disabilities vary greatly in type, severity, and impact, and they can be present from birth or develop later in life.

Mary recently came back from a school meeting where she helped a deaf mother (with a hearing child) communicate with the teacher and others. Out of curiosity, I asked if the father was deaf too. I’m not sure, but I think she said yes. Then Mary mentioned that in another family she works with, the father, mother, and all three kids are deaf. My reaction was, “Wow.” That’s exactly what I said.

I hesitated, but I asked, “Why have kids if a couple knows there’s a high probability their children will be deaf?” Mary was furious. She called me Hitler, saying he wanted to exterminate people he didn’t see as “normal.” Obviously, that’s not what I meant. Sometimes, even the most caring people get swept up in their emotions, leading to absurd accusations. Let’s not forget Hitler killed 12 million people, including 6 million Jews—her reaction was exaggerated, to say the least.

While Mary was out running errands, I did some quick online research. I found out that many deaf people, particularly those in the Deaf community who use sign language, often reject or redefine the concept of disability in their own lives. Deafness is seen as a cultural identity, not a medical condition or impairment. This difference in perspective is crucial to the Deaf community’s sense of pride. My perspective regarding these specific “disabled” people is that deaf individuals may refer to themselves as disabled when it suits their interests, such as accessing government benefits, but emphasize cultural identity when it aligns more with their personal or community views. This can lead to tensions around the sincerity or consistency of such positions.

One survey from the Deaf Studies Research Unit at Lancaster University found that many deaf parents prefer having deaf children, seeing it as a continuation of their cultural and linguistic heritage. Another study in The Journal of Deaf Studies and Deaf Education revealed that some deaf parents often reject cochlear implants for their children, indicating a desire to raise them within the Deaf cultural framework. But what really surprised me was a study in Social Science & Medicine (2007) showing that some deaf couples, when undergoing IVF, were willing to select embryos that would likely result in a deaf child—even against genetic counselors’ advice to select hearing embryos. Some deaf parents may even use assisted reproductive technologies (like sperm or egg donation) to ensure their children will also be deaf, further illustrating the perspective that deafness is a cultural asset rather than a medical issue to be avoided.

This blew my mind. As a father of four, I want my children to be “better” than me in every possible aspect of their lives. Why would a parent want their children to be like them, and not “better”?

When Mary returned, I showed her what I had found. We sat down and discussed it. She told me she was already aware of these studies. I asked, “Then why did you call me Hitler?” She apologized, explaining that she thought I was suggesting deaf parents should abort their babies or something along those lines. Even if I had, comparing me to Hitler was an overstep. I forgave her, as we should when people close to us say things they don’t truly mean. I am very comfortable with myself in discussing uncomfortable topics, without letting emotions take over my reason, though not many people are.

I’m not part of the Deaf community, but from a medical and genetics perspective, I still don’t understand. If parents have the choice to bring a child into this world, why not choose to have “normal” children? Morally, I think it’s selfish, but that’s just my opinion. If I’ll be criticized for that, so be it.

By Luis de Andrade